Fear!!! There is so much fear in this world, people of all walks of life live in fear, many hide it, some lash out because of it and others retreat. Where does fear come from and how do we teach our children and grandchildren not to live in fear.
Fear is such a strong emotion, one of the strongest we will experience in life.
Fear is such a strong emotion, one of the strongest we will experience in life. Love is the strongest emotion we can experience and the only one that can defeat fear. If we are to teach children how to live free of fear we need to live in that space of freedom ourselves. I want to share something with you all that I have learnt to help
I want to share something with you all that I have learnt to help myself not live in fear. I have a filter I like to put all my fears through. FEAR can be broken down to “False Expectations Appearing Real.” When we look at what we are fearing there is always an element of truth in the fear, however, the greatest and strongest lies always have an element of truth in there surrounded by a much bigger element of the lie. I find when I stop and calmly work out the lie component to my fear and then the truth component, I am able to overcome the fear because I can put it into perspective. It’s always when our perspective is out of order that the fear is able to take hold of us. This is how a bully operates, they use a small element of truth and surround it with lies , that’s why they are able to intimidate. If it was complete lies it wouldn’t have the same power over the victim. We can’t just teach our children to just push through and get over their fears we need to give them tools to overcome them. If we can show them how to stop and recognise the false expectations with in the fear we can empower them to live in freedom. I guess one of the biggest fear is the fear of rejection, bullies use this all the time.
When a child is bullied it is left feeling isolated , devalued and disempowered. They usually suffer in silence ashamed and afraid to speak up for fear of more rejection. When we prepare our children how to stand and recognise the false expectations, they can go beyond the fear. I believe because bullying is such a big issue these days we need to prepare them in advance and not wait until we see the signs. Talk to them about how they will feel when they are bullied and let them know how to respond. Tell them that when they talk about the bullying you and their teachers will assist them, give them strategies to be able to face the bully and show them how to not just keep it a secret as this empowers the bully all the more.
Show them how the lie of them not having friends is not true. This might mean you will have to help them make friends with other children that the bully isn’t friends with. You may need to invite other children to have play dates with your child, show them there are more circles of friends they can enjoy.
Find a sport or activity they enjoy and help them make friends within those circles. Remember, there will be some truth in the fear , just expose the lie eg. “No one wants to be your friend.” When you help them have other friends this lie is exposed.
It will take effort on your behalf, you need to show them solidarity so they feel secure. As parents, carers and grandparents we need to talk about how we have had or are having fears and how we overcame or are overcoming them. As the children hear our stories of victory they will learn that it’s normal to have fears, however, they will also learn that fears can be
overcome.
I used to have a phobia about snakes and I deliberately overcame that fear that had held me back for over 40 years by going to the Reptile Park with a friend who loved snakes and even though I was scared , I reached out and patted a snake. I knew I needed to overcome my fear because I wasn’t born to live in fear just like none of us are. We are designed to live in victory free of fear, a life of overcomers knowing our value and being able to help others know theirs. The false expectation for me was ALL snakes will hurt me, the truth is, not all snakes will hurt me, yes I do need to behave properly around snakes so I won’t be hurt by them. I had a fear of heights, so I went abseiling with friends , it wasn’t a huge drop but trust me my legs were like jelly all the way down and I just wobbled away at the end. My false expectation was I couldn’t trust the ropes the truth was I could. Having done these two very practical activities has helped me to do the same with any fear of failure or insecurity. I have learnt to brake my fears up into the lie and then find the truth.
It’s not always easy however it always works for me. To find the truth that will set you free, just speak out the opposite
to the expectation you have of the fear, it is false if that expectation makes you fearful. We will often have to do it scared like I did with the snake and abseiling but that’s how you get through the fear. Finally, as I said earlier, while fear is one of the strongest
Finally, as I said earlier, while fear is one of the strongest emotions we experience, love is the strongest and the only one that
sets us free of fear. For me, knowing I am abundantly loved by Jesus enables me to be set free of fears because I know I will always have His unconditional love.
Remember, love your children and grandchildren unconditionally, talk about your fears and how you overcome them , show by example and talk, talk, talk about how they are overcomers. Hope this helps, try it and see if it works for you by recognising fear is:
False Expectations Appearing Real.
If you’re interested, below is a video that has really spoke to me as I’ve walked through my fears. It’s beautiful and reminds me that I am no longer a slave to fear.
Be blessed
Susanna.
